


He's A Mother Fuckin Starboy

by ZayNik24



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Depressed Oikawa Tooru, Happy Ending, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru Angst, M/M, Makki and Mttsun have no clue whats going on, Mutual Pining, Panic Attacks, i dont remember this plot what so ever, you know tfw youre in love with your best friend but hes in a toxic relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-14 20:34:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29547999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZayNik24/pseuds/ZayNik24
Summary: I don't know manI love IwaOi so muchthey're so dumbso angstyfucking, someone help themso like yeah oikawa and iwa love each other but oikawas dating someone so yikersit works out.... i think????idk i wrote this a year ago enjoy it i guess lmao
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Kudos: 27





	He's A Mother Fuckin Starboy

Iwaizumi Hajime sat in his bed. Eyes red raw, and cheeks stained with tears from silent sobs he'd been trying to stifle all night. Still silently cursing out his best friend. _"I really like her! She's kind of a hard-ass like you but she doesn't mind my hobbies outside of volleyball at all,"_ his excited friend had rambled on about earlier. One-hundred and eighty-eighty minutes he had spent stuffing everything down. One-hundred and eighty-eight minutes trying to be supportive and reel back the snippy remarks daring to jump out and attack his source of pain as his heart shattered. This was not how he wanted to close out their second year.

He had been keeping track of the time passing to distract his mind from the onslaught of fear, rage, jealousy, and grief swirling through his mind. The worst part was the new wave of guilt. Guilt because he should be happy for his best friend. Guilt because he knew Tooru didn't let many people into his inner circle so this girl has to be making him incredibly happy to do so. If he'd just been a little gentler, if he'd just told him... would it be different?

A knock came from his door and part of him was praying it was Shittykawa and this was all just some prank to see if he liked him back, but his heart sunk when it was Hanamaki that swung the door open to reveal Matsukawa beside him. "You look like shit," Mattsun noted taking his usual seat in the, spinny, desk chair. "I'm really not in the mood. What are you doing here," Iwaizumi asked. "We got the texts from Oikawa and figured we should check in on you," Makki stated. 

"No snarky remarks," Iwa asked a bit bitterly as he leaned his head back to stare at his ceiling. "Not tonight. Tonight we were thinking individual tubs of ice cream, shitty fast-food, and Fast and the Furious since your hate chick flicks," Makki said. "Unless you wanna try watching them and make fun of how dumb heteros can be," Mattsun noted. "I'm going to vote explosions over feelings," Iwa said looking over. "Damn, and I was so excited to play spot the token gay," Mattsun remarked sarcastically. 

**_ ~Skip~ _ **

Despite moving past the initial heart break and avoiding his best friend for a month to try and heal the gaping wound, he still found it reopening every now and again. "Iwaaaaaaaa-chaaaaann," Oikawa whined, "But I neveeerr get to seee you lately! Come on! Haya-chan is visiting her grand parents and Mattsun and Makki are doing their date night thing and I haven't seen you in a month!" Oikawa threw his arms and torso on his best friend. 

For Oikawa, he felt guilty for spending some much time with Haya outside of practice and not getting to see or go out with Hajime, Makki, and Mattsun because of his relationship. They had never spent so much time apart consistently and he didn't want them thinking he had forgotten about them. He just wanted to make sure Haya was getting the time and attention she deserves after his volleyball needs were met. She was really sacrificing a lot to work around his crazy schedule. 

"I said no Assykawa," Iwa snapped. Oikawa let go putting some space between them. His internal fears that he had made them feel like he didn't care about them were suddenly confirmed. "Sorry," Iwaizumi quickly recovered seeing the fear and hurt in Oikawa's face, "I didn't mean to snap like that. The new job has been kind of stressful and I'm just really tired." 

Oikawa treaded lightly still sensing there was more bothering his friend that he wasn't being told. It didn't matter who it was or how old he'd gotten but the real snaps from anyone always shook Oikawa to his core. He was always left a scared kid again. Iwaizumi knew this and a new wave of guilt took over. "You want to talk about it," Oikawa asked. He was better at hiding it, but to Iwaizumi he was an open book. He could see the worry creeping in, the anxious thoughts that would plague him. 

Iwaizumi sighed, "Give me an hour after work. But we have morning practice tomorrow so no staying up late." Oikawa perked up relieved and excited. "Sounds like a plan," he said excited before they were called out to practice. It was the first time they'd be hanging out since Oikawa started dating Haya. Iwaizumi started to feel his relief and excitement sour. He was going to have to brace himself to hear all about her with that stupid sappy look that used to be reserved only for him. It was tolerable in class. Especially considering Oikawa has been sleeping through most of his classes lately. But now there would be no escape. 

**_ ~Skip~ _ **

Oikawa went to open the door but felt some tension in his chest. Something was up with Iwaizumi and he was terrified to find out what. He swallowed his worry and opened the door. "Tooru," Hajime's little brother exclaimed running over. "Hey, Kitaro," Oikawa greeted picking the kid up as he sprinted at him. Iwaizumi's house had always felt more like home. His first safe space. He was scared of poking Hajime the wrong way and losing that. He set his self proclaimed favorite little brother down and scanned the main area for Hajime. 

"He just finished showering. He's in his room," Hajime's mom shared. "Kitaro, everything in the car," she asked. "Where are you headed," Tooru asked intrigued after giving a silent thanks to Hajime's mom as he hugged her. "Sleepover in the school," Kitaro exclaimed excited. "I doubt I'll be getting much sleep," Iwa's mom deadpanned. Oikawa chuckled, "Roped into chaperoning?" She nodded as they exchanged knowing glances. "Behave! Don't stay up too late. There's dinner on the stove," she said hugging Oikawa again. "Thanks mom," he said. She nodded ruffling his hair before they left.

Iwa walked out to Oikawa quietly eating a plate of food and smiling at his phone. It felt like someone was crushing his heart in their fist. He knew who the smile was for. "Hey, thought I heard you," Iwa said joining him at the table. Oikawa stuffed his phone in his pocket and looked over sensing the tense air already. "Kitaro seemed really excited for the shut in," Oikawa said trying to break the silence with small talk. Iwaizumi nodded quietly. He was still lost in thought. Doubt plagued his mind. Maybe this was a bad idea. 

Oikawa sat quietly observing. This wasn't normal. He knew that much, but he couldn't categorize what possible emotion might be the root cause. He was always able to figure out what stressors were ailing his best friend with how he lashed out, but this time he couldn't pin it. He didn't know what was wrong. He was the people person. He knew Iwaizumi Hajime like the back of his hand but suddenly it felt like a stranger was sitting beside him. He couldn't help the worry. What if he was mad at him? What if he was closer to Mattsun and Makki now and they were going to leave him in the past? 

A rough hand smacked the back of his head and Oikawa looked over startled as the steady spiraling thoughts clattered around him, loosing some of their weight. "You look like you're over thinking something stupid," Iwa grumbled, avoiding making eye contact. Maybe he was. The pit in his stomach still lingered. "Hajime," Oikawa asked making Iwa look over worried at the sound of his given name. "Did I do something," he started avoiding eye contact. 

Iwaizumi cut him off with a slap to the back before rubbing a soothing circle, "No idiot. I told you already, work has me stressed out." Oikawa nodded breathing out the tension in his chest before looking over with a bright smile, "Tell me about it?" Iwa smiled to himself briefly and the idiot smiled one of his ear to ear grins that shut his eyes. He couldn't say no.

**_ ~Skip~ _ **

Laughter filled the small home after a full night of ranting about school and volleyball and work. Iwaizumi looked at the time. "Shit it's late," Iwaizumi muttered. "I should probably get going," Oikawa noted. "It's not worth the walk, just stay over. We have to get up in a few hours anyway," Iwaizumi offered. Oikawa shrugged nodding. He had brought his bag with him to study anyways. 

**_ ~Tiny skip~ _ **

Iwa stared up at his ceiling as soft snores escaped Oikawa. He looked over steeling a glance. Glasses half falling off of his face, mouth cracked open with drool in the corner. And somehow still, he looked beautiful. "Idiot," Iwa muttered under his breath. He took Tooru's glasses and placed them on the night stand to keep the idiot from breaking them in his sleep... again. Iwa turned over, his back to Oikawa, to keep his own emotions and impulses at bay. He couldn't tell if this was better or worse, but he preferred it to not seeing the setter at all.

**_ ~Skip For An Indeterminate Length~ _ **

The day seemed to start fine, but by the time they got to school, Iawaizumi was wound like a tense coil ready to spring. Makki and Mattsun noticed the now on edge Iwaizumi. Immediately following was Oikawa with Haya. "Oof," Mattsun remarked, "Alien boy is so oblivious." "He's puts the disaster in disaster bi," Makki agreed, "They're not outright fighting which means she wasn't over with them last night." "This is just kind of sad," Mattsun noted. "We have a whole other year of these dumbasses," Makki sighed. 

"Why must they be so extra," Mattsun countered. "Does it really matter? None of this really exists anyways. We're all just living in a simulation this reality is pointless," Makki said. "You know your sarcastic comments to hide your existential dread and fear of death turn me on," Mattsun deadpanned. "U-uhhh coach said we need to start practice soon," Yahaba cut in. "You're weirding out our child," Makki said. "You started it," Mattsun teased. "Fuck your chicken strips," Makki said. "Excuse you but I have the power of god an anime on my side don't fuck with me," Mattsun countered. They both screamed the kid's scream from the Vine before laughing. 

Iwaizumi glanced over seeing Mattsun and Makki flirting again. He clenched his jaw muttering, "Fucking lovebirds." Oikawa glanced over seeing Iwaizumi muttering to himself as he helped finish setting up for practice. "Everything okay," Haya asked. His attention was pulled back to her, "Yeah! Yes. Sorry. Just worried about Iwa. Seems on edge." "He doesn't seem too out of his norm. At least from my experiences with him. Hey, my grandmother really wants meet you. Is there anyway you could come up with us today," she asked. "I-I'm sorry, I have practice until six," Oikawa stammered through an apology. His heart shattered seeing disappointment wash over her face. 

"Right, sorry. Of course. Sorry, volleyball first," she said. To any passerby it sounded like a genuine apology but the venom hiding just beneath the words pierced right through his heart. She had played into his own fears he shared of letting her down. Something he had shared in confidence. Something she had assured him was fine. "I just thought- you 'cause I rearran- never mind," she said leaving enough blanks to make him fill out the sentences in his own mind before kissing his cheek and walking off. Makki and Mattsun were the first to take note of the now troubled Oikawa.

**_ ~Skip~ _ **

Iwaizumi walked into the changing room only to take note Oikawa wasn't there. He's been a few minutes late since dating Haya so he brushed it off. It wasn't until they started stretches and Yahaba asked him, "Hey, where's Oikawa-san?" Like most times he had been asked that month, he genuinely had no clue. "Probably with Haya. He should be here soon. He never misses practice," Iwa reassured. Yahaba nodded. 

One of the third-years walked over, "Hey, can you tell Oikawa we hope his grandmother gets better." Iwaizumi looked at their captain confused. He knew full well that Oikawa's last grandmother passed away when they were in Kita first. He had spent nearly a whole month at Hajime's house without once going home.

"He didn't tell you," the vice captain asked worried, "He did say it just happened." "What," Iwaizumi asked confused. He treaded lightly not wanting to throw Oikawa under the bus, but also incredibly confused and partially worried as to why he was ditching practice out of the blue. "He said his grandmother fell ill and he's going to meet her at the hospital," the captain shared. "Mind if I go call him to check up," Iwa asked trying to play it cool. The third-year captain and setter nodded for him to do so. Iwa walked out of the gym with his phone as he dialed Oikawa's number.

"You've reached Oikawa Tooru. Sorry I can't give you the attention you deserve, promise to get back to you as soon as I can," his his voice message answered. " _Tooru_ , what the _hell_ is going on with you," Iwa growled worried, "Fucking call me back before I murder you, you asshole. Please let me know you're not dead." Iwaizumi sighed pacing for a second. Just before he turned to go inside a string of texts popped up on his phone. He skimmed them over to see Oikawa was ditching practice to meet with Haya's grandmother. "Are you _fucking kidding_ ," he whispered to himself. He stood pacing. Angry and confused. This wasn't like him. Why is he doing this? 

**_ ~Skip 3 months~ _ **

Makki and Mattsun were relieved once exams ended. Summer break was exactly what they needed. The Oikawa and Iwaizumi situation had only gotten worse. It was to the point their sets were no longer matching up. Oikawa had not only been fighting more with Iwaizumi but with all of the others including Haya. It was clear the two were about to come to head and their short lived relief came crashing down as they were invited to the summer training camp with Shinzen, Fukurodani, Nekoma, and Ubugawa. Their coach of course agreed. The third years were leaving and the next captain and vice captain were at each other's throats in a constant passive aggressive war. 

"This is going to end horribly," Yahaba noted. "No, I signaled for the left quick," Oikawa noted. "You clearly fucking didn't," Iwaizumi snapped. "They're at it again," Yuda sighed. "I know for a fact that I nodded to go left," Oikawa argued back. "How the hell am I supposed to get left quick from a head nod. I'm not a fucking mind reader," Iwa continued. "Enough! Huddle up," Irihata shouted over them both. "I'm not asking you to be a mind reader. We've done this play a thousand times," Oikawa snapped. Both were now ignoring their coach. Makki and Mattsun glanced at each other worried. "Yeah back when we had consistent practice and you showed up," Iwaizumi snapped back. Oikawa looked like he had just been slapped across the face. Iwaizumi grimaced as he let his anger get the better of him. 

Oikawa had reached his own breaking point. He was exhausted. He found himself siding with Haya's remarks that Iwaizumi sits on a high horse. Something that had pissed him off when she first said it. A part of him in the back of his mind was screaming at him to just stop. Talk it out later before he says something he can't take back but the past four months had worn him down. It had reached the point where he was lying to Haya about when he fell asleep just to get a few minutes to himself at night. He had been trying his best and expending all his energy on Haya, school, and volleyball. For Iwaizumi to say he was just skipping ripped the raw nerve. He didn't want to miss. He hated missing. He felt years worth of guilt for every second he had to skip on club but he was trying his best to juggle it all. And for the remark to come from Hajime of all people.

"Fuck you," Oikawa said lowly. The whole gym fell eerily silent. Iwaizumi stared back in horror at the hurt and anger in his best friends eyes. It had felt like staring at a stranger the past few months, but certainly now more than ever. Oikawa had never been so confrontational in his life and it honestly shocked and scared Iwaizumi. "I'm trying my best. Get off your fucking high horse Hajime," Oikawa said before turning to leave. 

No one dared to speak. Just glancing among each other as they all held their breaths. That silence was broken as Iwaizumi charged at Oikawa shouting out furious and desperate to get through to Oikawa about his out of line behavior lately. 

"Oh shit," Makki and Mattsun jinxed jumping to their feet to run over and break their friends apart. 

The whole gym had erupted into chaos. 

** _~A few minutes later~_ **

Iwaizumi and Oikawa stood being restrained by Makki and Mattsun as Irihata ripped them both a new asshole for disrupting practice and being inconsiderate to their teammates and coaches. They were banned from all club activities until they could act like the young adults they were and get along. "And unless you two can figure out how to get your heads out of your asses and behave like adults for the club Makki and Mattsun will be acting captain and vice captain for the rest of the year," Irihata declared. Oikawa's mouth gaped open as he went to protest. "And that will be all for today," Irihata declared walking out. 

"Are you fucking kidding me," Oikawa demanded standing on his own. Everything he had been working for was falling from his grasp, "I can't fucking believe you." " _You_ can't believe _me_? Are you seriously going to accuse me of sitting on a high horse and then act like you're the only one losing everything they've fucking worked for," Iwaizumi asked. "I'm done," Oikawa said. " _You're_ done," Iwa demanded. "Yes! I'm fucking done," Oikawa reiterated losing his temper. 

The rage had turned into a silent muted anger. "Fine. I don't know who the fuck you even are anymore anyways," Iwa said turning to hide his face from the others. They both walked in opposite directions. Sawauchi, Yuda, Mattsun, and Makki stood, looking among each other. There was no way the unbreakable duo had just broken up.

**_ ~Skip three days ahead~ _ **

Iwaizumi sat on the top of the hill behind his house. He screamed out in frustration before shouting, "FUCK!" He caught the volleyball he'd been tossing on his back and clenched it between his hands, trembling in rage, fear, and hurt. The ball was pressed to his forehead as another sweeping headache spread across his forehead. 

He'd really done it now. He wanted to punch Tooru's stupid beautiful face and apologize and tell him everything, but a part of him knew he was right. Oikawa was different. If the asshole refused to admit it to himself then there was no use apologizing. That tiny shred of pride remaining had been actively battling to out-weigh the aching desire to pull the scrawny idiot into a hug like every fight before. 

He just wanted his best friend back.

**_ Meanwhile _ **

"You're better off without him. He was just dragging you down. You're way smarter than most of those dumb jocks anyways," Haya said. A patented back handed compliment. 

She didn't mean it that way, he convinced himself. 

Oikawa just nodded tapping his pencil to his notebook. "You're not seriously still moping are you," Haya asked wrapping her arms around his waist from behind. He winced at his own thought as he caught part of himself wishing she were Hajime instead. "He was still my best friend you know," Oikawa tried to explain. "I barely get to see you and again all I'll be hearing about is your volleyball buddies," she grumbled into his back. 

He tensed immediately. Hearing her diminish his life long best friends to sounding like less than acquaintances flipped a switch. A fire ignited in him as he snipped, "They're not " _volleyball buddies"._ Makki, Mattsun, and Hajime are my _best friends_. It's not like a squabble with co workers. I just lost my best friends." "You know I didn't mean it like that. Quit over reacting," she said pulling away from him. He bit his tongue. He was terrified of losing her too. "Sorry. I'm just still on edge," he apologized quietly. 

She didn't respond.

"You know what? Maybe this is good! Maybe this is the push you need to quit," she said flippantly. His head whipped around his eyes grew wide. "I'm not quitting. I am _never_ quitting. I told you how important volleyball is to me," he defended. Her jaw tensed and his heart started pounding in his chest as he tried to emotionally prepare for the fight he saw forming.

"Tooru, I can't keep doing this. This is bullshit. You're seriously going to put some sport over our relationship," she demanded. He stared at her bewildered, mouth agape. He knew it was coming bust damn! He couldn't help but wonder at how these conversations always took such drastic, quick turns. 

"I'm done," she said standing from his bed. "What do you mean you're done," he asked feeling panic rise in his chest. Is she leaving? Is she seriously leaving. "I mean I'm breaking up with you," she said. "No, no, no, what," he started to panic. 

Alone. 

He was going to be alone. 

He just lost Hajime, Makki and Mattsun and now her too? 

He wasn't happy with her. At least not lately. But being _alone_ was so much worse. Having no one to distract from the silent constant tension of his home. No excuse to hide up in his room undisturbed from his parents who were far worse than anything Haya could ever come up with. That was something he knew, she knew, he was afraid of. Despite wanting to yell at her for throwing it in his face he couldn't fight back against that fear of being alone. 

"Then chose. You quit volleyball or I walk out that door," she said. 

His phone went off. 

It was Makki. 

Makki's calling? 

Maybe... maybe he'd still have him? Maybe she wasn't the only one to keep him from being alone. If there was any chance to salvage his friendships he had to. They were safe. They were home and if he could save that he was going to try. 

"Answer it and I'm gone," she said as he stared at his phone hesitantly. 

A million thoughts behind his eyes. 

**_ ~Skip 2 days~ _ **

Iwaizumi laid on his back. He was staring at the sky above. The inky blue reminding him of Oikawa. He stared at the small stars poking through. Suddenly six years old again. 

_"Favorite color," he had asked Tooru. "Blue," he answered quickly. "Laaame," Iwa declared laughing. "Is not," Tooru defended as he looked over to see him in the grass beside him. His pout hiding the slightly crooked teeth and missing front baby tooth. He was gangly and awkward but the only kid stupid enough to keep up with him and make sure he was taking care of himself._

_"Blue is like everyone's favorite color. It's lame and basic," the young Hajime had argued. "Okay, but it's not just any blue! It's a pacific blue," Tooru insisted. "What? Like the ocean," Hajime asked. "What? No! Pacific. Like a particular," Tooru insisted. "Specific," Hajime corrected. "That's what I said," Oikawa defended. "Was not," Hajime insisted._

_Hajime sighed before entertaining his favorite color specifications. "Explain yourself. Maybe I won't judge," Hajime teased. "That's my favorite blue," Tooru said pointing straight up. Hajime followed his finger up to the sky. "The deep blue right before the black comes in. Right when the stars first start to poke out. That's the best blue," Tooru said passionately._

_Hajime looked over to stare at his dopey grin. One he had no clue would become so rare. Hajime looked back up. "I guess that's cool," he admitted. "What about you," Tooru asked excited. "Green," he answered simply before making a smartass remark to tie into it, "Like grass."_

Iwaizumi opened his eyes when he heard someone settle in the grass beside him. His eyes widened in shock seeing Oikawa laying in the grass staring at the stars. Around his eyes was red raw skin from crying, making his brown eyes almost look gold. His hair was a disorderly mess and a his eyebrows were etched together with a deep set frown. "Your mom said you haven't eaten at all today," Oikawa said softly holding out a plate of Agedashi tofu and milk bread. Iwaizumi wiped his own eyes, gently taking the plate from Tooru as he sat up. 

Oikawa sat up, just as tense as Iwa. "I'm sorry," he said softly before curling in on himself. Hajime's heart shattered seeing him like this. He knew it was more than just their fight. He looked like the same scared kid he used to be when Hajime had to defend him from the relentless bullying. Worry seeped into his mind as he heard the desperate _"I'm trying"_ from earlier, roll around his mind. 

He scooted closer and just wrapped an arm around Tooru's back. He sat quietly as sobs racked his best friend's body. Everything exploded all at once. The fear, frustration, loss. Tooru clutched onto Iwa's arm wrapped in front. 

"Tooru what happened," Hajime asked softly. "I don- I don't know. It just," Tooru stammered before expanding his hands to motion everything slipping through his fingers, "I fucked it up. I fucked everything up. And you probably hate me and you have every reason to. I'm sorry. I didn't know where else to go." Hajime noticed his breathing was off and his hands were shaking. He was starting to slip into a panic attack. 

"It's okay. I'm here. I don't hate you. Take a minute to breathe okay," Hajime asked. A sinking feeling sat in his gut. He pleaded that the reason behind this wasn't what he feared it was. Or rather who.

**_ ~Skip 2 hours~ _ **

Tooru's dazed of look started to shake as his eyes started scanning around him. "Hey," Hajime said quietly. Oikawa noted it was definitely darker than what he last remembered. He rested his head on Hajime's shoulder realizing he had stayed by his side the whole time. "I'm sorry," Oikawa mumbled. "It's been a while since you've had one of those," Hajime said quietly. He was outright ignoring the apologies. 

Tooru nodded slightly. He stayed curled up in Hajime's arms. It had always been safe there. Tooru closed his eyes taking in Hajime's smell. Deodorant and the outdoors. A tiny smile crossed his face in place of the laugh he was too tired to let loose. He looked at his hands and feet to make sure they'd still move if commanded to. 

Hajime's mind drifted as his friend try to reacquaint himself with with his corporeal form.

_Hajime had sprinted over dropping everything as he saw his friend start trembling. "Tooru," Hajime said guiding him out of the crowded to gym to their secret hiding hall back in Kita First. The outbursts of rage at the other first years making sense. The third years and their fellow second years had knowing looks once Oikawa started to completely panic. He had taken losing to Shiratorizawa's middle school academy the hardest out of all of them. He was trying more and more new sets and it wasn't working. And his new jump-serve was shaky and inconsistent at best._

_Hajime sat with Tooru, who was whimpering trying to quiet himself and ground himself in their hidden nook. "I'm here. It's okay. I'm here," Hajime said watching Tooru start to zone out. Deep set furrowed brows and frown were carved into his face. Eyes devoid of all life._

_Hajime flustered as he caught himself staring. Since Tooru had that growth spurt that let him fill out his gangly arms and legs more proportionately and his braces were removed, he struggled to think straight. He tried to stuff down his crush, feeling guilty that his friend was going through a panic attack and he was checking him out. He had promised to always protect him when they came in. He knew how scared Tooru was to not be in control of his own mind and body._

"You're crying face is still atrocious," Hajime muttered. Tooru didn't mind the jab. Hajime's soothing voice reverberated through his chest and helped to calm Tooru's foggy mind. 

Tooru quietly noted that the food was no longer on the plate. 

_Good. He ate._

"I'm sorry for snapping on you. I hadn't considered-... I guess I was so caught up in my own shit I didn't- I'm sorry for being a shitty friend," Hajime apologized, "You look exhausted. You've looked exhausted. I'm sure my bitching didn't help. I guess I was scared of losing you." "Losing me," Tooru asked confused. Hajime nodded, avoiding his eyes. He nervously traced patterns in Tooru's arms. "You just... you didn't really seem like you lately," Hajime admitted. 

Tooru looked at Hajime's face. Tooru knew Hajime's sweet soft side meant he was really worried about him. "I don't know if I'm still numb from the panic attack or if it's because I'm here, but she broke up with me.. two days ago, and I'm not scared by that anymore," Tooru admitted. In all honesty he felt relieved. Hajime looked at him shocked. "I'm sorry about the comment of you being on a high horse. I didn't mean it. I was just angry and Haya's words kinda got in my head," he apologized. "Haya's words," Hajime asked protectively. 

"She really had a way with back handed compliments," Tooru tried to brush off in a joke. "Tooru, did Haya make you miss practice," Hajime asked. "No-not necessarily," Tooru tried to defend, "I just- she always went out of her to work around my schedule and things would come up that were really important to her. I didn't want to disappoint her or start anymore fights." "Mor- Tooru," Hajime asked worried as he sat back to see his friend's face. 

Shame and guilt filled his eyes. "You told her off the bat how much volleyball means to you. She wouldn't make you feel like you were choosing it over her if she cared about you. She knew what she signed up for. You're allowed to have _both_ a relationship _and_ volleyball," Hajime insisted worried. 

"At this rate the only way for that to work wold be to date you," Tooru blurted frustrated with his circumstances. Hajime froze entirely. His cheeks burned bright red as he panicked staring into Tooru's eyes. "I didn-... Hajime," Tooru said a bit thrown by his reaction. He thought there was no way Hajime could have ever liked him back, but seeing him so flustered sent his head spinning. 

"Yeah, not happening. That would be gay," Hajime said panicked. "... Hajime you are literally gay. Like legitimately gay. Do you not remember coming out to me forever ago? I literally made you a grinder you never use," Tooru said sitting up on his own as he watched his friend revert to a defensive child as he grew flustered. 

"Okay! Well I'm not gay for you," Hajime insisted crossing his arms and avoiding Tooru's face. Hajime's breath caught in his throat as Tooru guided his face back. Tooru's eyes weren't teasing, but instead sad and understanding. "Scared of losing me," Tooru asked. As if realizing what was happening, Hajime's eyes looked down at Tooru's lips before jerking his head back embarrassed. 

"What the fuck are you going on about," Hajime grumbled. "I didn't reali- I never thought- You always ju-," Tooru stammered kicking himself, mentally. Hajime glanced at Tooru sideways only for Tooru to throw his arms around him. "What the fuck are you doing," Hajime demanded even more flustered. "I jus- I never thought-... I had a chance with you. I never realized. Sorry, I thought I was better at reading you, but I guess I've never really seen you heart broken before," Tooru mumbled quietly into Hajime's neck.

Trying to ignore the shiver running down his spine Hajime locked onto one part of the phrase. "What do you mean, never thought you had a chance with me," Hajime asked, softening. "Well you're... You're Iwaizumi Hajime. You know? I mean I know I used to tease you but you're- you're hot, and kind, and honest. Everything that I'm not," Tooru shared. 

Hajime's initial reaction was to punch his friend's arm. Tooru whined complaining, "Ow what the hell?" "Fuck you. Don't you dare do that," Hajime said legitimately upset. Oikawa looked back doe eyed and frightened. "Do you seriously not see how great you are? You fucking asshole," Hajime asked. Tooru's fear traded for confusion. "You stupid, sweet, charming, fucking idiot. Why do you always see the best in everyone but yourself," Hajime asked. 

Tooru held back tears and sprung forward clinging onto Hajime as he kissed him. Hajime tensed in shock before pulling Tooru in close. The weight of his worry and guilt lifting from his shoulders. Both of them pulled back seeing tears in the other's eyes and laughed. "We're a fucking mess," Tooru blurted. "It's been a rough few months," Hajime noted as he rested his forehead to Tooru's. "That it has been, Iwa-chan," Tooru confirmed. Hajime didn't move as he kept his hand on Tooru's cheek. Tactically, he would have quicker access to Tooru's ear or hair to scold the idiot. "I still hate that fucking nickname," Hajime declared. 

Both exhausted and worn from the mess of emotions that had just attacked them, laid back in the grass. Oikawa hugged onto Iwa's arm staring at the stars above to distract himself as Iwaizumi probed him about everything that had gone on with Haya. Occasionally, Oikawa received a smack or a flick when he tried to dismiss the severity of the manipulation and gas lighting's effects on his mental health. 

"I missed you Hajime," Tooru said quietly. "I missed you too," Hajime noted pressing a kiss to the top of Tooru's head. Hajime noted how the other had purposefully made himself shorter. Idiot.

He smiled at Oikawa's blissed out face as his eyes held the stars above. "So where you ever going to tell me you also liked guys," Hajime teased looking back up at the sky. "I-Iwa-chan," Tooru stammered flustered. "Where you going to tell me you liked me," Tooru countered pouting. 

He looked over to see Hajime beaming at the sky brightly. He refused to call the expression out. It had always been tricky to pry out unfiltered emotions and reactions. Seeing them was as lucky as catching a shooting star. 

"Why would I tell you I like you if I thought you were straight," Hajime questioned. "It'd still be a nice compliment," Oikawa pointed out, earning him a flick. "Ow," he complained. He fell quiet as he thought of the repercussions of his family finding out that he was dating a guy. "You don't have to tell them you know," Hajime pointed out. "What happened to not being a mind reader," Oikawa teased. "Fuck off," Iwa countered, trying to bite back a smile. 

Suddenly, Tooru's face was in front of his. "What if I fucked on," Tooru teased, watching the pinks fade to reds on Iwa's face. Hajime chopped his side flustered as he shot a glare. "Ow," Oikawa complained before pouting. Iwa's eyes shifted to his lips before forcing them back up to Tooru's eyes, refusing to give the setter the satisfaction of knowing he'd thought of it before. A smiled crossed Oikawa's face. But it was the dopey, sweet one. 

"Hey, what where you even doing out here anyways," Tooru questioned curiously. He watched Hajime squirm a bit which meant it was something that made him vulnerable. "This is where I come to try and sort out my feelings. Especially regarding your dumbass. Looking at the sky here alway reminds me of your dumb explanation of why blue is your favorite color," Hajime admitted. 

Tooru's heart melted and he leaned down to kiss him. Hajime seemed to relax as he kissed back. "I love you," Tooru mumbled against his lips feeling heat pool in his own face. Hajime opened his eyes to see the blush on Tooru's face and flipped him onto his back. 

"Neat," Hajime teased.  
"Iwa-chan!"  
"What?"  
"Oh don't feign innocence Hajime! It's not nice to tease someone after a confession!"  
"I love you too trashykawa."  
"What's with the nickname?"  
"You need a shitty one too."  
"Do not."  
"Do too."  
"Do not."  
"Do too."  
"Do not infinity."  
"You're a child."  
"I win!"  
"I revoke my I love you."  
"HAJIME! How can you just say it so casually!? So ru-"

Tooru never did get to finish scolding him as Hajime leaned down to kiss him. "I can say it _"so casually"_ because I've loved you for a while," Hajime explained.

"You're cute when you're not grumpy."  
"Tooru."  
"Oh, not so fun on the receiving end! Eh!?"  
"Why am I in love with an idiot?"


End file.
